As usual, it's been too long since my last post. At some point or another, I think about blogging every day but life is usually going on around me and so I wait...
This past week was not so great at first, but then on Wednesday I read the last 2 weeks' chapters in the parenting book I've been working on. Joseph was able to attend the study group on the book this past week, which I was really happy about. Not only that he could attend (work schedule has been crazy) but that on his one weekday evening at home, he chose to go instead of stay home and relax. AND he went alone! Grace had Strep (Mon-Thurs) so I stayed home with her while he took Ava to Awanas.
Anyway, though I didn't get to attend the class, the chapter was really impactful for me! The book is called Gospel-Powered Parenting and up until now, has been very conceptual. Things like "if you do what you are suppose to as a woman/man of God and have faith then God will take care of the rest and show himself to your children." All basically valid, but hard to apply! Parent's want IDEAS, but I am completely on board with the concept they are offering.
So this week's chapter was entitled 'The First Principal of Parenting' - Sounds odd since it's the 6th chapter, but there has been a lot of ground work leading up to this. In separate chapters we studied the fear of God, His Holiness and His Grace and now for the big "AH HA!" chapter (well for me anyway). The First Principal of Parenting is two-part. #1. Christ lead by example. We are to follow His lead and live as Christ. #2 The biggest EXAMPLE we have to set for our children is in our Marriage.
For most people, me included, their marriage is a spiritual battleground. Why? Because there is SO much at stake! Not to mention that Satan is in the "destruction" business. As for our children, we can do everything under the sun to coax them to be who/how WE want them to be, but if WE aren't living right why should they listen? Our children would be stupid to listen to parents who live by the rule of "Do As I Say, Not As I Do". How can you teach your children to LOVE Christ, while your marriage is preaching such an unattractive gospel to them??? It's contradictory. Your marriage will either preach a message that will attract or repel your children.
WOW! Never really thought about it like that. The book says "Parents who JOYFULLY pursue God are CONTAGIOUS. Joyful sacrifice for the gospel is contagious. A Gospel that makes parents Stable, Sincere, Joyful, Loving, Affectionate and Humble is CONTAGIOUS. Children will Want a God that produces these qualities." And, "Kids internalize their parents' passions. They alone see what or who we REALLY love, and not what we merely pretend to love." Whoa. In my daily life I forget this. I continue to watch my TV or get on the computer instead of show them what TRULY is important to me!
What I have been hearing and reading lately has been great. As I stated a while back, "I am going back to what I KNOW". Well, these things are all pretty much things I know, with a few exceptions, but I get SO caught up in DISCONTENT or INSECURITY that I forget. I GET SELFISH! Reading on, I see that Hypocrisy and pride also ruin our parenting example. BOTH of which I am guilty of. Hypocrisy is one of OUR sins that provokes our children to anger. "Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Eph 6:3) And with Hypocrisy is usually pride. Pride makes us UNcorrectable! For most of us, protecting our self is more important to us than discovering the truth about us, so we can change our wrong behavior. It tells our children that we really have little interest in personal holiness. It's so important to set ourselves apart from the world and make a stand. Instead, we are so busy preserving out self-respect, that we are losing it in our children's eyes. OUR CHILDREN see the very sins that we are blind to. They have a front row seat and are watching intently!
Lastly the book speaks of humility and confession. Did you know you can sin against your children? Personally, I have never thought about it. I have considered sin to be very personal. I now realize those times that I do things in an extreme way towards my girls (to be brutally honest these extremities are truly Ungodly), and times that I feel the need to apologize, I have in fact sinned against them. My example before them, which IS EFFECTING THEM, is something that I often find myself apologizing to them for. I need to remember to ask for their forgiveness. We often forget that step! Confession PROVES our sincerity. It convinces our children that we really want to change and that GOD is worth changing for. He exalts the humble and gives Spiritual Authority to parents who humble themselves. This confession and asking for forgiveness is the PERFECT example of how our kids they are to be with God.
I already feel like I do a pretty good job of teaching them to praise God in song, and many other things, but HOW MUCH do my actions completely Negate what I try so hard to teach them?!?!?! Cross-centered parents are imperfect BUT they attract their children. And what they attract them to is the gospel. So this week I'm working on my marriage example. Hopefully my baby-steps will start to get bigger. I love my kids and my hubby and TRULY want to be the best wife and mom I can be. I have GOT to start showing what's important to me!
One good thing I have done lately is reading this book. Remember how I said I have a hard time finishing things. I don't understand it about me. BUT, I am over half way done with this book and am already feeling encouraged to start another - but let's finish one Big Idea at a time :)
OK so that's the end of the FIRST installment of this week's blog. I got a lot out of church yesterday too. I'll get it thought out and typed up later in the week....
Now for applying it all.... A work in progress.
K
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