For a while I have not felt like there was a point to my blog except for the fact that it was therapeutic to me and helps me update people I'm close to on how things are going. I have been so excited lately though to see that I have a few anonymous visitors out there and a couple have actually contacted me to encourage me. It has been a true blessing. Just when I feel like I'm alone and that it doesn't really matter, God sends me a little message through these precious women. I love to see people reach out - I just am not use to it being done to me. How humbling and encouraging.
It's safe to say that the last week and especially 24 hours have been pretty hard for me in light of the fact that we got the results back. They were read last night, and it's all official now. I was not handling it very well. Up until now I have made the conscious choice to neither accept nor deny what seemed to be obvious until I had proof. I could not allow myself to accept it because I believe God still does miracles every day, and why couldn't this be one of them? He can, if he chooses to and if he chooses not to, there must be a good reason - Right?
The finality of the results sent me quick into a deep depression that I really don't know how to get out of. I was on the phone with my best friend this morning. She was checking on me since she knew we had received the results and I hadn't really talked to her about it. While on the phone with me she got another call from her mother-in-law who was just calling to share some scripture from her morning Bible study. She is unaware of most of my situation, I believe. While sharing the scripture she said "oh and you can share it with Kara too." So my BFF (Tiffany) came back on the line and said "OK I'm suppose to share something with you." If you have ever had one of these moments you know it's divine - doesn't always make it easy to swallow though.
The reference was Isaiah 26:2-4 which reads (KJV)
2Open ye the gates, that the righteous nation which keepeth the truth may enter in.
3Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
4Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength
How crazy. What a reminder that even when I am troubled, with what is TRULY a temporary situation in view of eternity, God will remind me that ultimately I do trust Him. Even when I feel as though my world is falling apart and I can't handle it anymore He says (my paraphrase/interpretation for this situation) "The Lord opens the gates so the righteous nation (people) who keep the truth can enter. He will keep in perfect peace, those whose mind stays on Him because they trust Him. Trust in the Lord forever because He IS everlasting strength". What a reminder to not be discouraged and to keep doing what has been my goal all along - trust HIM. Don't be distracted by what Satan meant for evil. Don't give him the pleasure of self-inflicted torment by lingering on something that is out of my control. It. Will. Eat. Me. Alive. No Doubt.
I am so glad I'm keeping this blog. As I just began what I expected to be a pretty depressing and devastating entry - I decided to re-read my last couple of entries. I was reminded that it's not all about this battle or this desert. It's about the journey. It's about the harvest!
We will survive this. Wouldn't it be nice if I could have just keep a little grace intact?? ~Kara
My anthem at the moment (and since last August) AND I'm Claiming it!...
Desert Song....(I've referred to it before and now I'm just throwing it all out here)
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides.
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved or more worth that gold
So refine me, Lord through the flames
I will bring praise I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice I will declare - God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
I will bring praise I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice I will declare - God is my victory and He is here
All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship
I will bring praise I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice I will declare - God is my victory and He is here
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
