Healthy Fear (or the lack there of)

Even after choosing to make a change JUST YESTERDAY - today I found myself being very unproductive and not sticking to the few guidelines that I had put in place. I am realizing it all stems back to the lack of self discipline. My question now is, Why?

Joseph and I began going to a Wednesday night Bible study 4 weeks ago. He was able to make it to part of the 1st class but due to work, has been unable to make it to any since. The class is on the book "Gospel-Powered Parenting" by William Farley. The chapter we read this week was entitled "Gospel Fear" and the importance of a child-like fear of God. And in the next few weeks will help us figure out how to show our children how to have that kind of fear..

After letting the chapter set in a bit, I'm beginning to think that a major part of my problem is a lack of fear towards God. I had never considered it before. I mean, I know it is logical to fear Him and in general I do - but that is not enough. I think if I had a healthy fear of Him, I would be more responsible and not want to let Him down. The kind of fear I am talking about is a child-like fear. Most children fear their parents, assuming that the parents discipline the children when needed. The parents still love the children and want the very best for them, but have to punish when necessary.

I am realizing that for some reason I have fallen back on my knowledge that I am His, and that's all I need to worry about. That's completely not true. As a child, there is nothing we can do to TRULY separate ourselves from our parents. I'm not speaking on emancipation or whatever - I mean to truly remove any proof that we belong to our parents. There are however plenty of things that we can do to distance ourselves from our parents. It's just the same with God (feeling pretty stupid here). No matter what I do, I am His but my actions and lifestyle should be such that it pleases Him. Partially because I should fear falling from His favor and being removed from his protection (being left to my own devices) but mostly because if I am His daughter, I should want to make Him happy. (Pretty basic stuff here I know, but sometime you get so far down in that pit of life that everything that once seemed normal, now seems like another life ago... )

This will obviously filter down to most areas of my life. Being a better mom and teaching my daughters His ways - even more than I already do. Being the best example of the Proverbs 31 wife and therefore a better spouse and christian example to my hubby. Being a better Kara. Where has my joy gone? Remember that? Do you remember how I use to be? It's buried SO far inside of me now, that it's going to take an overhaul to get it back. It took a complete overhaul then to be ME and now to do it all again.... Not to mention I had a lot of joy then, for it to be near nonexistent now.

SO I've decided I'm going to go back to what I know. As for my weight, which effects TOO many areas of my life (and the lives of my husband and girls) I have decided to begin the Weighdown Workshop again. I did this program back in high school, but suddenly stopped when my stepfather passed away and I never went back. I had some success with the program and it has a biblical base. The only difference this time is I will be going it alone and not with any type of support group. That should be interesting. I will begin this once I get the information in the mail.

I'm going to continue the parenting book/study and hopefully start a Beth Moore study or even a book she came out with last year about Insecurity. She's pretty great.

I will keep ya posted... Be praying for me!