Yep. A potential storm is headed this way and it's due towards the end of next week! Monday is Grace's test for enrollment at school next year. Wednesday is the same for Ava. I'm stressing for them. 2nd Grade and Kindergarten - should be smooth sailing, but we will see!
I have really been prayerful about the timing of when to tell the girls about what is REALLY going on. They still do not know. I have especially not wanted to break the news close to their school tests. I really don't want our life situation to be on their mind - distracting them while they are testing. So the waiting continues.
My plan is to tell them on Thursday next week. It's going to be a bad day all together. Grace has her first vaccine scheduled. She hasn't had a shot since she was 18 months so I know that will stress her out too.
I obviously have no idea how they will react. I'm praying for the right words and timing and for God to just protect them from all of the trauma - or as much as possible!
It has already been an interesting week for me too. It began with my LAST Sunday at the church we have been attending. The church where I found some friends. Where Grace was baptised. As terrible as it sounds, I really didn't want to go. I hoped Joseph would decide at the last minute, to stay home. I certainly was not about to send them to church and me stay home. We all went. I cried through the entire service.
I am SO tired of having to put on a happy face and pretend things are not how they obviously are. Church is the ONE place I should be able to just be ME. It's one thing if it's just me and the girls - i'll put on a happy face. I'm doing it for them. It's quite another when I am sitting with J in church and people around us know our situation. When asked "how are things going?" while I'm in front of J, I will obviously not be as frank as if I were alone. It makes me feel like a caged animal. I know they expect an honest answer from me. I know J is listening and I wouldn't want to say something to upset him. So When asked "So how are things going?... " my answer is "Uh Ya know." Not to mention being asked the same question when I'm in front of the girls.. or the girls AND J. It's not that I don't appreciate the thought or the interest - it's just exhausting and painful.
Things are not changing towards reconsiliation. I appreciate the hope. I have live in that very same hope for a few years now. Unfortunately, this is the real deal. Please just PRAY or instead of asking for an "update" ask if there is anything you can do to help. Or just pass on your sympathy for the really SUCKY situation. All of those are better then asking for an "UPDATE". Bringing the bad things to the surface over and over again.. or acknowledging that there has been no change that would restore our family is NOT something I want to repeat everytime I run into someone I know.
I know.,. 2 negative posts in a row. this will have to be the last one for a while!
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